Grandmothers in our country have always been entrusted with the upbringing of the younger generation of the family. But today, not every adult woman is ready to devote herself to caring for her grandchildren. What happened to our grandmothers – in the material aif.ru.
“My mother does not want to sit with her granddaughter,” says a young mother Inna. – I get tired at work, my husband is always on the road, and sometimes there is simply no strength for a child. My daughter is already five, and she can occupy herself, and there is no need to strain herself. But mom never has time. And that’s half the trouble. It recently became clear that she is satisfied with her personal life. That is, she exchanged her own granddaughter for some strange man! Of course, I understand that loneliness is not sugar, but it’s time to think about who will supply water at the most critical moment?
So are our moms and dads obligated to babysit our kids? Should we push our needs to the far corner and rush to the rescue because we became grandparents? Psychologists think not. And they add that if grievances arise, then it is worth remembering the old folk wisdom about the fact that they carry water on the offended.
“My long-gone friend, People’s Artist of the Soviet Union Zinovy Gerdt asked me: why do you, psychologists and teachers, often say that children are our future? I don’t understand, but I’m convinced that I have my own future, and the children have their own,” notes Professor Alexander Asmolov, Head of the Department of Personality Psychology, Faculty of Psychology, Moscow State University. “Young parents should understand that their parents also have a full life, full of happiness and love, to which they are entitled.”
Our life has become much more intense and dynamic, continues Asmolov. Children grow up much earlier, and at the same time, grandparents have dramatically “rejuvenated”. In relation to their peers from other times, today they are full of life and energy: they work, travel, fall in love, return to a hobby for which there was not enough time in their youth. And it is very unfair to take away this life from them, reshaping it for themselves.
“Why initially adult children try to blame the problems of raising their grandchildren on their parents is generally incomprehensible,” argues psychotherapist Mikhail Golubev. – Protecting, educating, raising a child is the task of only his parents. The help of the next of kin is voluntary, not compulsory.”
It’s only begining
At the 61 year old Irina Abramova three grandchildren. The eldest was born to student parents, they needed help, so Irina worked in several places and alternately took the girl to sections and circles with her parents. Then the younger grandchildren appeared, with whom they also needed help. Now they have grown up, they go to training and competitions themselves. But to exhibitions, to the theater, traveling to interesting places – this is still with my grandmother.
“With retirement, life is just beginning,” Irina laughs. – There is time to visit friends in different cities and countries, read books, go in for sports, have a leisurely coffee in the morning. I don’t see how you can refuse it! And grandchildren like it when their grandmother is mistaken for their mother. And she can not only tell about the structure of the Universe or play chess, but also teach you how to ski or swim in a race!”
At the 63 year old Irina Grishkova also three grandchildren. There was a period when it was necessary to help the son’s family, and she herself did not notice how she turned into a housewife. And the worst thing is that help, which at first was voluntary, then became a duty.
“I wanted to leave home,” Irina recalls, “so as not to hear these endless claims. I realized that something urgently needed to change.
Started with dancing. Classes liberated and expanded the circle of communication. Then qigong gymnastics and yoga appeared. Then Irina tried herself on the podium: her posture improved, her back strengthened, and heels reappeared in the wardrobe – this is after a 20-year break!
“One morning, getting ready for another activity, I heard a request from my grandchildren – a request: would I have time to cook cheesecakes for them? It was a triumph, Irina smiles. “For the sake of these words, it was worth changing your life!”
“We are now moving away from a patriarchal society,” notes Mikhail Golubev. “People remain active much longer and do not want to put up with the fact that their only destiny is to nurse their grandchildren. Perhaps, today’s demographic problems are also connected with this: young people do not give birth because there are no “grandmothers” who take care of their grandchildren. But the transformation of our society is inevitable, and we will continue to move in this direction.”
The age-old problem of fathers and children has another side that has not gone away: how can the older generation remain interesting for their children? So that not only grandparents would seek communication with their grandchildren, but also grandchildren would be drawn to them?
Life has turned the Internet, says Alexander Asmolov. Today’s elders have such tasks that his patriarchal predecessors never dreamed of. In order to speak the same language with their grandchildren, grandparents master the virtual space: you can watch how they chat while in different rooms.
“This kind of communication is much more successful, and the grandson already admires his grandmother, who understands TikTok better than his peers,” the professor laughs.
Moreover, today there are cases of Internet addiction among grandmothers – they actively like photos they like, play office toys, comment on posts on social networks, watch online broadcasts and practically do not even think of an hour of their life without gadgets. I wonder what will happen to our generation by the age of 80?
Affectionate, kind, dear
In my memory, a kind village old woman, in a light kerchief and a cotton dress, with kind eyes and hard palms smelling of bread, forever remained. In the evenings, she sat us, grandchildren, in her arms and talked about her youth, the hard times she went through, and how funny our parents were in childhood and how good our life will be. Then it seemed to us, children, that there was nothing more interesting than these conversations.
Times are different now. We are rushing into our technological tomorrow, adjusting our time, mind, feelings to it. Very soon, our possibilities will become truly limitless and will change lives even more. But I would give a lot to return to my childhood at least once and sit on my grandmother’s knees, hear her quiet voice and fall asleep in her arms with the thought of how good everything is.