“Hi, I’m rushing to your place, but I’m afraid I might be 10 minutes late.” It’s nice if a person writes about it in advance and this situation does not happen from time to time. However, for big cities this is becoming the norm, and many are surprised when the waiter talks about his feelings when they are late. People look puzzled and answer: “This is Moscow! Everyone here is late.” Aif.ru talked to Gestalt therapist, Executive Director of the International Gestalt Academy Victoria Merkulova about why people can be constantly late and how to react to those who are waiting for them.
There can be many reasons for systematic delays. From banal promiscuity, when a person understands that he will be expected, to the cultural characteristics in which a person grew up. Also, being late is a problem of big cities and a large number of connections, when there is a feeling that everything can be replaced and there is no value in people and built relationships. If one is late all the time, then the other loses the value of coming to a meeting on time. For what? So the habit of being late can be formed even for those who do not have it. Another reason may be internal resistance and unconscious sabotage, or some test their worth in this way.
How to understand what is what?
If a person is late everywhere and everywhere, it looks like a personal characteristic. When it refers to one thing, then one can suspect resistance to some process or area of ​​\u200b\u200blife. Sometimes people don’t know how to prioritize. Imagine the girl Tanya, who is going on a date, but instead of leaving the house at the scheduled time, she sits and calmly drinks coffee, dries her hair with a hair dryer, and just before leaving, she remembers that she needs to take out the laundry from the washing machine. Here the question is not about coffee or the inability to plan time, but that for Tanya her personal comfort is more important than the person who is waiting for her.
Image “opozunda”
Not everyone will be touched to the core by the fact that someone is waiting for him and it may be unpleasant for him. They do not think about the fact that being late not only negatively affects relations with another person, but also the image of the latecomer in general. When choosing to be late, it is important to ask yourself the question: “Does my image matter to me? How do I want to be perceived by other people? Today there is a harmful trend: many people want to live the way they want, including being late, but at the same time they are surprised that this spoils their reputation. Despite the fact that circumstances confront a person with the need to sacrifice something, setting priorities, many are outraged and angry. There are also those who justify their lateness by high employment, creative nature, force majeure circumstances, thereby relieving themselves of responsibility and the opportunity to influence it.
I am a star
Quite often, people associate status, the amount of money with the right to come when the person himself wants. This does not affect the image in any way, on the contrary, everyone understands: “He is an important person. He can.” Some non-celebrities are unknowingly and sometimes deliberately late to make sure they are important to the person waiting. If they are waiting for him and do not say anything, then the person feels his need. When being late is a test, then you should look at how this reflects on the image, relationships and trust. If not, then you should look for another way to test your value.
Resistance
If in general a person has no problems with being late, he arrives everywhere on time, but a person is late for some places or meetings, then resistance can be suspected. Outwardly, it is arranged differently and can say a lot. Sometimes inner reluctance suggests that you should not go to this meeting, and sometimes it is a sign that, despite the importance of what is happening, it is emotionally very difficult. In this case, it is necessary to seek additional support from family, friends, a partner or a psychologist, depending on the specific situation.
Cultural differences
Lateness is treated differently in different countries. Somewhere this is a normal phenomenon, but somewhere it is perceived as disrespect and an insult. In order not to get into trouble, it is better to find out about this in advance. Family values ​​and attitudes can give a person carte blanche to be late, which in other circumstances can play a cruel joke. There is even an opinion that women can be late and they will be forgiven for this if they are beautiful.
Time management
A person who has no problems with planning easily invents some schemes himself, which helps him to be even more efficient and to be in time everywhere. This method is unlikely to help our heroine Tatyana. Functional techniques will not be able to close the psychological holes on which her delays are based. As a rule, for such people, planning works for a short time, and then they return to normal again. This is clearly seen in the history of diets, when reading a book and clear instructions help to pull yourself together for a while, but do not become a way of life.
You can solve this problem by understanding its causes and considering the consequences that it causes. The main thing is that a person wants it. If he is satisfied with this state of affairs, then what can I say.
What about those who are waiting?
If this is fundamentally important, then you can take an example from leaders who impose penalties, or teachers who agree with the group that five minutes after the start of the lesson, the door closes and no one will be able to enter until the break. If it concerns personal communication, then the waiter can express his feelings to the latecomer and ask him not to be late again: “I understand everything. You may be late. But I don’t like it, and I won’t wait for you next time.” If that doesn’t help, then don’t wait. Usually once is enough for a person to understand.
Imagine Tanya, who is late again, and halfway through she receives an SMS: “Once again I didn’t wait for you. Gone”. If you were in her place, would you stop being late?
Source: aif.ru
